His Dream Girl
by theGirlinRed05
Summary: Things are heating up between Chandler and Phoebe after the farewell party the gang throw for him and Monica. Or, are they? Where is Monica in this scenario? And, what happens when one has had too much to drink? Read on to find out. Warning- Chronology of events is a little off.


It was the night before Chandler and Monica were moving out for good to their new home in Westchester. The gang had thrown them an awesome yet appropriately emotional Farewell Party. It was filled with lively music and fun indoor party games (courtesy Mike, Rachel and Phoebe), the best pizza in all of the Tri-State area (thanks to Joey who surprisingly had been able to lay his hands off of it, perhaps due to Ross's strict supervision) and a montage of all their best moments spent together, courtesy Duncan who was still stalking Phoebe (only a little bit, Phoebe said oblivious to the blatant shock and disapproval on Mike's face).""Honey, don't we have the best friends ever?" Monica turned to her husband and asked, applying her night lotion. Chandler nodded sleepily and said "I love you too". "I mean, don't get me wrong... Phoebe can be a bit kooky and questionable, Mike just goes with it because of his crippling inability to be alone. Ugh remember that blonde Precious that he was dating when him and Phoebe were on a break? God, speaking of "ON A BREAK" Rachel and Ross should just admit they are perfect for each other, and get married already. Emma would have the cutest siblings, wouldn't she?" On hearing no reply, she kicked her husband in the shin and got a snore in reply. "Ugh" she thought. "And, you know what? Maybe Joey should just move out to L.A. to try his luck, if he is serious at being an actor. Who knows? May be he will even find someone who will finally help him move on, may be even get married. Aww, our Joey all grown up and getting married. Can you picture that?" Monica prattled on. "No" Chandler murmured. "You know, me neither" she giggled and Chandler found his lips curling upwards of their own volition. God, how he loved his beautiful and crazy wife. Even though right now, he just wished to put a pillow over her face and shut her up. "And so, we would all be settled down happily..." she was going on. Good Lord! She was still talking!

_"Good woman, can you not shut up for one minute?" Chandler irritably stood up, taking his pillow and blankets and walked out. "Wait, where are you going?" she asked him. "Any place but this one, so I can get some shut eye" he said, slamming the door on his way out. He walked over to their old apartment, hoping that he would finally get some peace and quiet. "Unless he has some hot girl over" he mused. "Joe?" he called. "Brenda's, 11 P.M." was written in childish scribbles with some rather suggestive drawings. Chandler rolled his eyes and got to his old room. Surprisingly it was intact. He stripped off his pajamas, as was his habit and climbed in. Just as he was about to drift off, he heard soft sobs and a warm body pressed against him. "Mon? Honey? I am so sorry I walked out on you like that. It's just that we have this big Relocation Conference tomorrow, where they are planning to send some unsuspecting idiot down to Tulsa. Tulsa! Can you believe it?" he chuckled, pulling her closer and stroking her hair gently. "Chandler, it is me" a woman's voice breathed down his neck, making him tremble involuntarily. "Phoebe? OH MY GOD! I am so sorry, I thought you were Monica!" he drew back, terrified and ashamed. "I would never cheat on my lovely wife" he yelled out in a high-pitched voice. Phoebe giggled despite her tears and said, placing her arm comfortingly on his..."Relax Chandler, there is nobody here but us". Nobody spoke for a long time. Chandler was becoming shockingly aware of how beautiful Phoebe actually looked in the moonlight, how small and vulnerable she looked with the tear tracks staining her pretty face. He took her hands in his and said "Hey". She looked back up at him and said "Hey yourself". "What happened?" he asked. "Mike and I..." she said, before breaking down once more. A strange feeling caused his chest to tighten, a mad urge to beat Mike senseless for making Phoebe cry. Yet again. He shook himself and forced himself to listen. "Well, after the party we were walking down the Subway and Mike spotted Duncan. I cheerily waved him around to come talk to us, which he did. Only, Duncan would not maintain eye contact with either of us and kept repeating that I looked so gosh darn beautiful in purple. I laughed and said "I know". Mike was quiet the whole time. It is surprising because he is such a friendly guy". Phoebe stopped to take a sip of water from the glass that Chandler had brought her. "Go on" he said, encouragingly. "After some time, Duncan left. Mike and I got into it on the way home, it was the worst fight ever. Oh Chandler! He called me such names and insinuated things about my fidelity! He called me a Loosie Lucy and asked how many ex-boyfriends I still had around" she wept and Chandler rubbed circles on the small of her back, the same way he did whenever Monica was upset about something. "I mean, Duncan and I never even dated. I tried to tell him that and he blew up saying that maybe I should. I got mad too and said "Maybe I will". And then, Mike said something I thought he would never say to me" Phoebe paused. Gesturing for her to continue, he poured himself a glass of the good red wine leftover from the party to lessen the ache in his head. "He...he...he said..."Phoebe Buffay, we are over." and she broke out in fresh sobs. "Oh my god, the love of my life just broke up with me. What have I done Chandler? Why do I always sabotage my relationships?" she bawled. "Pheebs..." Chandler said, trying to choose his next words carefully. "You have gotta understand. Mike is a very understanding and slightly quirky guy, but that is what works for you both. Also, what is his fixation with whether it is a beer or lager? I never get the guy. Anyway" he shook his head and continued, "But he is a man, and you are a very beautiful woman with a lot of admirers. It can make a guy insecure if you don't show him constantly that he is the only one for you." They stayed like that for a while, Chandler's hand on the small of her back and Phoebe's head resting on his shoulder. "Chandler?" she said, looking up. "Yeah Pheebs?" he said. "Will you name your child Phoebe?" she asked him. "Only if it is a girl" he said, chuckling. "You are a very good friend, Chandler Bing. You will be an even better dad." she said. "Thanks Pheebs" he said, and hugged her. "So, how come you are here and not with Monica?" she enquired. "Well, Monica was jabbering on and wouldn't let me sleep. For heaven sakes, she was plotting out the arc of Joey's acting career suggesting that he move up to L.A. if he was serious about it" "HOW DARE SHE!" Phoebe broke in emotionally, interrupting Chandler. "Who would I have our 8 P.M. Friday discussions with? Who would be in my Post-Apocalypse Zombie Invasion Survival Team?" "How about, me? I am pretty smart and can tackle a few zombies" Chandler said, puffing his chest out slightly. Phoebe erupted in laughter, tears of mirth rolling down her face. "Oh Chandler...You...You wouldn't survive a day if the zombies attacked" she said, gasping for breath between laughs. "Thanks Pheebs, you know how to make a man feel great about himself" Chandler grumbled, his smile faltering. Taking a long swig from the bottle, she said "I am sorry Chandler. I did not mean it like that. You are handsome, funny, really smart and I have seen your financial statements. You have a moral strength of character, integrity and you are always there for your friends. But you are just not physically strong enough or devious, and we love you just the way you are." she smiled at him. "Funny Man Bing" she repeated goofily. Chandler just smiled at her, glad that he had gotten her to stop crying. "I also have a talent for making women stop crying" he added jocularly. "Yes, you do Chandler Bing. You are such a great guy." Phoebe whispered, leaning in. She was sitting there, so close to him. Her breath warm on his neck, the gentle rising and falling of her bosoms had him enchanted. It felt like a million degrees in there. He knew he had to say something before he cracked and did something foolish. Like kissing her."Uh Pheebs? I am not wearing pajamas" he said awkwardly, trying to break the tension in the room. "I know, and my body has been very aware of it too. Rawr!" she said, making a claw-like pawing motion in a typical Phoebe fashion. Chandler licked his lips nervously. He was beginning to feel dangerously dehydrated. His pulse was racing. She discreetly glanced south, and whispered "I know how you are feeling too... Mr. Big". "Pheebs, may I say you are looking very beautiful tonight?" he said in what he thought a husky voice, but ended up sounding somewhat strangled. "Yes, you may" she said happily, slurring her words only slightly. "You are so beautiful, confident, enigmatic, sexy and..." his next words were cut off as she had placed her lips on his and was kissing him soundly. "Pheebs, wait" Chandler stopped her. She looked at him with that adorable quizzical expression on her face, pouting like a child whose candy had been taken away. He placed the bottle aside on the table, and asked her "How drunk are you?" "Drunk enough to know I am happy doing this with you, not so drunk that you should feel guilty taking advantage of me" she said. "You are the one taking advantage of me, Phoebe Buffay" he said with a gleam in his eyes, pointing to the woman on top of him who was straddling him. She laughed throatily, and he felt his breath catch. "How about I help you out of those clothes?" he whispered. She winked at him and said "I am not even wearing a bra this time". Pleased, his hands worked swiftly to pull her purple dress over her head while her hands worked on his shorts. "Commando too?" he asked, his mouth going dry. She reached over and poured the last few sips into his mouth and lowered herself onto him, kissing him more fiercely than before with Chandler reciprocating her fervour. "Phoebe Buffay, you are simply the best!" he stated resolutely as he flipped her on her back._"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, Chandler, NO! Chandler, don't!" a woman screamed. Chandler woke up to see his wife sweating and shivering. "Babe, are you okay? What happened?" he asked concernedly. "I...I dreamed that" Monica stopped short, feeling ashamed and looking at her husband who had now pulled on his glasses and looked at her with a mix of curiosity and alarm. Her sweet, loving Chandler. "I dreamed that you made me return my boots" she said lamely. "Oh Honey, I would never do that. I know they cost a lot but you look sexy in them and, they make you happy. Besides, I have promised to try and make you happy for the rest of our life now, haven't I?" he added softly, taking her hand in his. He drew Monica up against him, and started stroking her hair. Monica's eyes widened and she backed away. "Is this how you do it with all the women?" she screamed, throwing a pillow at him. Catching it deftly, he asked her "What women, babe?" and added lightly "I think you have had too much to drink. Ross was right. You need an intervention." Monica got off the bed. She began pacing feverishly and talking in the pitch that Chandler often said only dogs could hear. "Monica, you have got to calm down and speak slowly else I cannot understand you." Chandler said, fully awake now. "Who do you think is the prettiest in our group?" she demanded. "Joey" Chandler said flippantly. "Oh my god, Chandler! Why can't you ever be serious?" she yelled. "Do you think Phoebe is prettier than I am?" she asked, in a small voice. "Honey, NO! Why would you think that? You are beautiful. Heck, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. And, I am incredibly lucky to have you as my wife" he re-assured her. "What is going on though? Why did you ask me that?" Monica stayed silent, unwilling to let him know of her nightmare. "Moooooooon, fess up" he said in the tone he knew she would not be able to resist. "Okay, but promise not to make fun of me" she began, talking rapidly. Chandler gave her one look and she slowed down. She recounted to him her entire dream. He was taken aback and horrified. "Why would you think that? Why would I ever cheat on someone like you? You are my dream girl, Monica Geller" he said, placing butterfly kisses on her wrist. "Your dream girl?" she asked skeptically. "Absolutely" he stated devoutly, with 100% conviction. "C'mere you" she beckoned to him with a sensuous smile. They kissed eagerly and tenderly.

Twenty minutes later...

"So you would never cheat on me?" Monica asked, leaning against her husband. "Do you want me to go another round to prove my love to you?" he asked saucily. She blushed endearingly and nodded. "Well, too bad. I am spent. Goodnight." he said, rolling over to sleep. "Chandler!" she laughed, smacking him lightly. After some time, she asked "You awake?" and he sleepily said "Kinda". "I just wanted to let you know that I would kill you in your sleep if you ever even thought about cheating on me with another woman". "Yes Dear, you are a very terrifying woman. It is why I love you so much" he stated. "Not to mention, Ross would hunt you down and kick your ass" she stated smugly. Chandler chortled and said "Let's not get carried away now. Goodnight, Monica". "

"Goodnight, Chandler." she said, and switched off the light.


End file.
